POLITICIANS AND PRISONS AND PRETENDERS
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it."
- Joan Rivers, who died September 4, 2014, aged 81 years
Bad call Bob...it will be recalled that the January 27 edition of Pete's Brew reported that Virginia ex-Governor Robert McDonnell had rejected a plea deal offered by prosecutors that would have dropped all charges against his ex-Washington Redskin cheerleader wife Maureen in exchange for a guilty plea to a single, i.e., one, charge against him...after five weeks of sordid, peek-a-boo soap operatic trial testimony in which Gallant Bob forced his own daughter to testify, causing her to break down on the witness stand, and which featured among its low lights a pathetic tweet from lovely Maureen to rich businessman Johnnie Williams exclaiming "I just felt the earth move and I wasn't having sex!!!!", a jury of seven men and five women quickly found the former Gov guilty on 11 of 13 counts of public corruption and associated felonies and Maureen on 9 of 13 counts...the couple had been the epitome of the phony "Christian (Catholic) values", loving, hetero-family and was a hero to the right wing crowd who was touting him for the Presidential race in 2016...it'll be kinda hard to run for Prez from behind bars...the McDonnells face up to 30 years in the slammer for their misdeeds...
...Worse call Hank...from my lawyer's view, McDonnell's legal representation by one Henry ("Hank") As("shouldn't")bill, was just about the worst I have ever witnessed in any case, criminal or civil...let me count the ways...1. letting his client reject a plea deal for one guilty plea in exchange for dropping the other 25 charges against McDonnell and his wife...2. building the entire defense on an utterly ridiculous theory, i.e., that the marriage was so broken that the McDonnells couldn't have conspired together, when only one of the 25 counts hinged on a conspiracy theory...3. not suing for peace, i.e., striking a deal with prosecutors, midway through a trial which when it going against his client horribly...4. expressing that he was "shocked, shocked," a la Captain Renault when his client was found guilty...Asbill paraphrased his utter cluelessness when asked to comment on the verdict: "I have no idea what the jury deliberated about," he admitted...Hank, for having no idea what the whole case was about, you get our "Eejit of the Year"...
Comic headlines from the past year..."Man Arrested for Assault with Mashed Potatoes" (KBOI2TV.com, Aug. 18, 2014)..."Big Law Goes to Bat for Virginia Gov. Robert McDonnell" (Legal Times Blog, Dec. 13, 2013)...new headline: "Big Law Strikes Out"...
...they shouldda figured it out from the Dude's name...the principal of an elementary school in Manassas, Virginia has been fired and decertified from teaching after officials discovered that his resume was a crock of you-know-what...Robin Toogood ("To Be True") claimed he had three degrees from different universities, including a doctorate in education, none of which was true...at least he attended two of the schools listed on his resume - the other one, Regent University, said it had no record of him whatsoever...the Manassas school system's sordid vetting process could almost be seen as an improvement since the same system previously hired a serial child molester who was arrested in 2010 for "taking indecent liberties" with a student and now is a resident of the state prison (where he'll soon be joined by the ex-Governor)...
...the House of MisRepresentation and Partisanship and...The House of Special Interests voted to sue President Obama for overstepping the powers of the presidency...in a 225-to-201 strict party-line vote, Republicans voted to move forward with a lawsuit against Mr. Obama for his application of the Affordable Care Act by issuing executive orders, which they argue has been selective and intended to delay the law’s most undesirable aspects...during a pointed, impassioned hourlong debate, Republicans summoned lessons from the American Revolution and the Bible...but ignored statistics showing that Obama has issued a total of 183 executive orders while George W. Bush issued 291 and Ronald Reagan 381...
Bad call Bob...it will be recalled that the January 27 edition of Pete's Brew reported that Virginia ex-Governor Robert McDonnell had rejected a plea deal offered by prosecutors that would have dropped all charges against his ex-Washington Redskin cheerleader wife Maureen in exchange for a guilty plea to a single, i.e., one, charge against him...after five weeks of sordid, peek-a-boo soap operatic trial testimony in which Gallant Bob forced his own daughter to testify, causing her to break down on the witness stand, and which featured among its low lights a pathetic tweet from lovely Maureen to rich businessman Johnnie Williams exclaiming "I just felt the earth move and I wasn't having sex!!!!", a jury of seven men and five women quickly found the former Gov guilty on 11 of 13 counts of public corruption and associated felonies and Maureen on 9 of 13 counts...the couple had been the epitome of the phony "Christian (Catholic) values", loving, hetero-family and was a hero to the right wing crowd who was touting him for the Presidential race in 2016...it'll be kinda hard to run for Prez from behind bars...the McDonnells face up to 30 years in the slammer for their misdeeds...
...Worse call Hank...from my lawyer's view, McDonnell's legal representation by one Henry ("Hank") As("shouldn't")bill, was just about the worst I have ever witnessed in any case, criminal or civil...let me count the ways...1. letting his client reject a plea deal for one guilty plea in exchange for dropping the other 25 charges against McDonnell and his wife...2. building the entire defense on an utterly ridiculous theory, i.e., that the marriage was so broken that the McDonnells couldn't have conspired together, when only one of the 25 counts hinged on a conspiracy theory...3. not suing for peace, i.e., striking a deal with prosecutors, midway through a trial which when it going against his client horribly...4. expressing that he was "shocked, shocked," a la Captain Renault when his client was found guilty...Asbill paraphrased his utter cluelessness when asked to comment on the verdict: "I have no idea what the jury deliberated about," he admitted...Hank, for having no idea what the whole case was about, you get our "Eejit of the Year"...
Comic headlines from the past year..."Man Arrested for Assault with Mashed Potatoes" (KBOI2TV.com, Aug. 18, 2014)..."Big Law Goes to Bat for Virginia Gov. Robert McDonnell" (Legal Times Blog, Dec. 13, 2013)...new headline: "Big Law Strikes Out"...
...they shouldda figured it out from the Dude's name...the principal of an elementary school in Manassas, Virginia has been fired and decertified from teaching after officials discovered that his resume was a crock of you-know-what...Robin Toogood ("To Be True") claimed he had three degrees from different universities, including a doctorate in education, none of which was true...at least he attended two of the schools listed on his resume - the other one, Regent University, said it had no record of him whatsoever...the Manassas school system's sordid vetting process could almost be seen as an improvement since the same system previously hired a serial child molester who was arrested in 2010 for "taking indecent liberties" with a student and now is a resident of the state prison (where he'll soon be joined by the ex-Governor)...
...the House of MisRepresentation and Partisanship and...The House of Special Interests voted to sue President Obama for overstepping the powers of the presidency...in a 225-to-201 strict party-line vote, Republicans voted to move forward with a lawsuit against Mr. Obama for his application of the Affordable Care Act by issuing executive orders, which they argue has been selective and intended to delay the law’s most undesirable aspects...during a pointed, impassioned hourlong debate, Republicans summoned lessons from the American Revolution and the Bible...but ignored statistics showing that Obama has issued a total of 183 executive orders while George W. Bush issued 291 and Ronald Reagan 381...
...Hypocrisy and Lies...two days later, the same crowd of Congressional Republicans excorciated Obama President for not exercising his Presidential powers...after they were forced to scuttle an emergency spending measure to address the surge of young Central American migrants at the southern border due to their bigoted, economic ignoramus Tea Party allies, House Republican leaders said, and we quote: “There are numerous steps the president can and should be taking right now, without the need for congressional action, to secure our borders and ensure these children are returned swiftly and safely to their countries”...Dems welcomed the move...the party claimed to have raised $1 million overnight...Steve Israel (D-New York), chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, said, “When they decide to obsess on suing the president, they shouldn’t be surprised that our base is as energized as they’ve become.”
...not quite a do-nothing Congress.. in an exciting announcement that should make every American's life better U.S. Representatives Rick Crawford (R-AR) and Jim ("will") Costa ("lot") (D-CA) on July 31 announced the formation of the Congressional Rodeo Caucus to serve as an informal group dedicated to issues of the rodeo industry...yippy-yi-yo-yi-yo...
...Beware the Square...a sordid assortment of caped crusaders and other cartoon characters were rounded up in a Times Square sweep on a recent Saturday night, including Captain America, Jessie the cowgirl from “Toy Story’, and Spider Man...Spider Man did not go easily into the night, punching a police officer in the face as they grappled on the sidewalk before falling to the ground.
...not quite a do-nothing Congress.. in an exciting announcement that should make every American's life better U.S. Representatives Rick Crawford (R-AR) and Jim ("will") Costa ("lot") (D-CA) on July 31 announced the formation of the Congressional Rodeo Caucus to serve as an informal group dedicated to issues of the rodeo industry...yippy-yi-yo-yi-yo...
...Beware the Square...a sordid assortment of caped crusaders and other cartoon characters were rounded up in a Times Square sweep on a recent Saturday night, including Captain America, Jessie the cowgirl from “Toy Story’, and Spider Man...Spider Man did not go easily into the night, punching a police officer in the face as they grappled on the sidewalk before falling to the ground.
...the fun started when Spidy refused to accept a dollar tip after posing for a picture with some tourists, telling theme that he would accept only larger sums...when the cop approached, the web-spinner told him to “Mind your own business,” leading to a sorry take-down spectacle in front of hordes of amused picture-snapping spectators...A crowd of law-abiding fellow mascots, including Elmo, Batman and Mickey and Minnie Mouse, watched in disbelief...the miscreant was eventually spun into custody and arraigned on charges of assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct...
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| "Who's next, Goofy?" |
...Meanwhile, the Naked Black Cowboy, a skivvy-wearing character confirming that men should never be seen in underpants, was nabbed for drug possession after cocaine was found in his wallet during a frisk...leaving us to wonder what lucky cop got to frisk this frisky guy...
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| "help yourself to my wallet" |
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| "help yourself to my wallet" |
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| How low can you go, Elmo! |
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| Mario to Cheryl: "wanna find out?" |
...but enough of those imposters...as a nod to my favorite month (well, I'm partial since I was born in September), I offer this wonderful tribute penned by my favorite poet, Louis MacNiece:
September has
come, it is hers
Whose vitality leaps in the autumn,
Whose nature prefers
Trees without leaves and a fire in the fireplace. - from "Autumn Journal" (1938)
Whose nature prefers
Trees without leaves and a fire in the fireplace. - from "Autumn Journal" (1938)
...and with a longer eye toward the advancing Fall season, we are pleased to recommend a new taste in stout, Rasputin, introduced to me by our neighbor Mark Steinbach...a good, rich, bold taste which may make you hesitate to go back to Guinness (unless you're out of Rasputin, of course)...
Happy September!
- the Brewmeister -
- the Brewmeister -
