HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

...We're not in Kansas anymore...Dorothy would be amazed...here in the dead (and I mean dead) center  of the country, the voters in this solidly-red state are actually so fed up with their conservative politicians' economic idiocy that the state may swing anti-Republican in both the Governor's and the US Senate races...the incumbent Governor running scared is ultra-ultra-ultra conservative Republican Sam ("Goback") Brownback whose irresponsible tax and spending cuts have severely damaged the state's resources, including education, transportation infrastructure and everything else, and put the state's economy on the brink of ruin...as of now, Democratic challenger Paul ("Save Us") Davis is running neck-and-neck with Brownback...according to The Washington Post, Brownback promised that his program would drive economic growth, create jobs, and stabilize the state budget...a pack of BS...Kansas now has a $300 million revenue shortfall, the state economy has lagged far behind its neighboring states, and Kansas' credit rating has plunged...education has been particularly hard hit, with parents and teachers decrying fewer coaches, fewer teachers' aides, larger class sizes, fewer school buses, and a delay in launching a hoped-for pre-school program...more intriguing, Kansas Republican Senator ("Stand") Pat Roberts is in real danger of losing his seat to Independent candidate Greg ("Stormin'") Orman...Roberts has served 18 years in the Senate and has done nothing - absolutely zero - in all that time...he appears to have all the intelligence of my dog Sammy, and the personality of your average stone...the Brewmeister cannot remember the last time a Dem or Independent held a major state-wide office in the Land of Oz, but these races bear watching as indicative of just how far the Muppets (i.e., Middle America) will put up with the false curtain Wizardry of stupid, counterproductive so-called "conservative" economic policies, which are actually wildly liberal in pretending that a totally free market has a conscience and everyone should be able to do whatever the hell they want, and plain wrong in pretending that we can stimulate the economy by cutting spending... 

"If I only had a brain."
Sen. Pat Roberts (right) consults with his campaign staff.

...relatedly, it cannot be confirmed that German Chancellor Angela ("Murky") Merkle is closely watching the Kansas races in hopes that her similarly idiotic economic policies, which have plunged the Eurozone to near-deflationary disaster, will continue to hoodwink most people...we suggest that Kansas voters and Merkle consider the thoughts of New York Times columnist Paul Krugman on the folly of "conservative" economics...
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/27/opinion/paul-krugman-ideology-and-investment.html?emc=edit_th_20141027&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=67166446 
...the only thing we really fear is fear itself (apologies to FDR)...building on the USA's prior panics over imagined communists in the woodpile, terrorists on the doorstep, rock music (see Tipper Gore), Alar on apples (see Meryl Streep), comets destroying life as we know it, and those ubiquitous UN black helicopters, the country is hitting a new low in mindless hysteria over the perceived Ebola "crisis"...so far, two (as in 2) people have died in the U.S. from the disease and health experts are uniform in saying it does not pose a likely epidemic here...but in contrast to the untold thousands of deaths every year from guns, car crashes, flu, smoking, booze, etc., the public, the media, and our stupid Congress are screaming with fear, blame, and senseless demands such as banning flights from Africa...Frank Bruni writes in the NY Times that although the flu kills up to 50,000 people a year, barely half of Americans (54%) got vaccinated against the flu last year, and 57% of parents at a Beverly Hills school filed for "personal belief" exemptions to prevent their kids from being vaccinated...http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/15/opinion/frank-bruni-scarier-than-ebola.html?emc=edit_th_20141015&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=67166446&_r=1...reality check, anyone?... 
...Canis ridiculatus..an Irish terrier named Vimes took a walk off a cliff in County Clare and, after bouncing off a few ledges on the way down, plunged 300 feet into the sea...the dog's walkers, who were its owner's parents, said they noticed Vimes had slipped his leash, then heard a splash about 15 seconds later...Vimes managed to clammer onto some rocks where he held on for 40 minutes (presumably emptying his bladder about once a minute) before the Irish Coast Guard rescued him, unharmed from his adventure...you can check out Vimes on his own Twitter account here: https://twitter.com/VimesTheDog...

...in an interview on his Twitter account, Vimes denied that he fell off the cliff while chasing Mickey Mouse, who was rescured by the Irish Coast Guard off the coast of County Wicklow...Vimes said he didn't even like mouse meat...in any event, after a flood of emergency calls the rescue crew recovered the big-eared rodent who, like Vimes, was unscathed by his ordeal...

"OK, you saved me, now stopping punching me in the nose!"

...drink more beer...sooner...The Register reports that researchers at Oregon State University have discovered that the chemical xanthohumol improves cognitive function in mice...why is this important enough to be an item in Pete's Brew?...because xanthohumol is found in hops, which is a key ingredient in BEER!!...the researchers found that the chemical improved the mice's spatial function for tests like the Morris Water Maze (use your imagination)...significantly, the improvement was noticeable in young mice but not in their elders, so it's important to start drinking beer at a young age...except, oops, did I mention that you would need to consume three thousand, five hundred and twenty pints per day to get the desired effect...some of us might be able to handle the final 20, but even I'd need help on the first 3,500 pints!!!...

19 down, 3,501 to go before sundown!

...which bring us to...the brew of this Halloween month...but if you thought I was going to recommend some yucky pumpkin ale forget about it...pumpkin is a pie, or a soup...pumpkin does not belong with hops...those gimmicky beers are almost as over-sold as IPAs and other over-hopped imposters, whose ongoing obsession by the yuppy generation baffles me no end...so here it is...my selection for Rocktober is Long Trail Harvest Ale (which has a nice ring to it)...brewed in down-home Vermont...enjoy, responsibly or otherwise...

Trick or treat, give us your meat

- the Brewmeister -

                     

...free White House tours...open to public at any time...contact the Secret Service after entering only if you feel like it...the U.S. Secret ("Breach of") Service is supposed to protect the President and his family but has fallen to such a disgraceful state that the President is literally in danger even in his own house...last week, the latest in a dizzying string of security breaches occurred, and it was the scariest one yet...Omar ("Oh My") Gonzalez, a crazed war vet, jumped the outer security fence, raced across the lawn, walttzed right in the unlocked(!!!) front door of the White House, then bolted past a security guard, went through the Entrance Hall, wandered around the grand Central Hall and past the stairway leading the the First Family's living quarters where Malia and Michelle's mother were at the time, then strolled through the East Room and was entering the Green Room, all the time wielding a knife, before finally being tackled by a guard...Secret Service officers failed to release the attack dogs trained for just such an incident, failed to lock the doors, failed to hit the alarm button inside the front door, and then lied repeatedly about their miserable failures...Secret Service mouthpiece Ed ("if my lips are moving I'm lying") Donovan said the intruder was unarmed, which was a blatant lie, then said his boys got the suspect as soon as he entered the mansion, which was another blatant lie...

Big Ed: "Trust me. We've got it covered (up)."

...this sorry episode comes on top of a 2012 incident when Secret Service agents brought Columbian prostitutes back to their hotel and then refused to pay them for favors rendered, another incident in 2013 when agents passed out drunk in a hotel hallway in Amsterdam, one last month when an armed felon got on an elevator with Obama because Secret Service officers on duty didn't even question him, and a 2011 incident recently uncovered by the Washington Post when a gunman sat in his car out back of the White House and repeatedly fired a rifle at it, hitting a window and knocking pieces from the exterior while the idiot Secret Service supervisors ordered its officers on duty to "stand down" because they thought it was just a car backfiring (7 or 8 times?!)...this is clearly an agency that is rent with incompetent, out-of-control macho clowns who have no sense of responsibility whatsoever...predictably, our hypocritical Congress, which has slashed the agency's budget thereby precipitating many of the staff problems, is now expressing outrage and demanding hearings and answers but typically that will probably amount to nothing but political grandstanding just like in 2012...yesterday, Secret Service Director Julie ("Blame Me") Pierson wisely resigned but Disgraceful Donovan remains arrogantly at his post/microphone...so once again Congress has extracted its pound of flesh from the woman while letting the incompetent, lying man stay on (see, New Jersey Governor Chris ("women are stupid but men are just disappointing") Christie re Bridgegate)...does the story line ever change?...see story immediately below...

...notes from the National Domestic Violence League...the National "Blame-the-Victim" Football League is reeling from its left-footed handling of star player Ray ("Rotten") Rice's arrest for knocking his fiancee, Janay, unconscious and dragging her lifeless body out of an elevator...first they did nothing, then they suspended him for all of two (2) games, then Rice's team the Baltimore Ravens had the gall to release a tweet from Janay apologizing for her role (!!) in the incident  (you know, she asked for it and all that), then denied they had seen a video of Rice punching her inside the elevator, a lie that was immediately exposed by a hotel security person confirming he had sent the video to the NFL months ago...

Ray and Janay after a night out it's lights out (for her)

...the Rice woman-beating revelation was immediately followed by Minnesota running back Adrian ("Kids are for Beating") Peterson's arrest for whipping his 4-year old son with a tree branch so fiercely that it caused bruises and scrapes to the boys legs, buttocks, and scrotum...The boy told authorities that there were “a lot of belts in daddy’s closet,” and that daddy used them often...Peterson also allegedly stuffed leaves into his son’s mouth while he was being struck with his pants down...Big Brave Adrian's response?...he said that what his 4-year-old son received was a  “normal whooping,” and he couldn’t remember how many times he hit his son, but that it was likely “10 to 15″ times...he added that he doesn’t “ever count how many pops I give my kids”..."pops" as a euphemism for beating a four-year-old! - with a branch! - on the back of his scrotum!...what a sicko...this guy should be in jail on felony child abuse charges and have his kids immediately taken away from him for their safety...but even this did not earn Mr. Peterson so much as a suspension from NFL Commissioner Roger ("Boys will be Boys") Goodell until a public uproar demanded it...in quick succession this was followed by Carolina defensive player Greg ("Hit 'Em") Hardy's arrest for violently beating up his girlfriend, strangling her and threatening to kill her last May...which again did not initially result in any punishment from Goodell as Hardy played in a game last month, until the League was humiliated into suspending him...and now comes San Francisco defensive end Ray ("Dirtball") McDonald charged with belting his pregnant fiancee but still scheduled to play this Sunday...it is clear that the NFL is rife with thugs, women-beaters, child-abusers, violent psychos and assorted other severely warped societal misfits because the NFL not only enables such behavior, but conspires in covering it up and coddling the perpetrators...

Rice: "Janay apologizes for making me knock her out cold.
It may take several more sessions but I promise I'll beat her into shape eventually."

Peterson: "Give me the ball, kid, or I'll beat the crap out of you."

     Hardy: "The bitch deserved it."                            

McDonald: "So did my bitch -- and so did her fetus."

                                                        

Commissioner "Jolly Roger" Goodell reacts to his players' comments

...on the other hand some people just have no sense of humor....in breaking news from the ACLU, we have learned that the book most frequently challenged and sought to be banned is....(drum roll please)...."CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS"...according to the ACLU's Samia ("Just Sayin'") Hussain, complaints have included "offensive language and violence"...Hussain says the books contain no inappropriate language (unless one considers potty jokes offensive rather than just juvenile), and the extent of violence consists of a kiddy game that shoots out eggs instead of balls that land on everybody's head...your editor, who does not normally read such childish material, preferring grown-up literature like Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse, can relate personally to the Captain's humiliation...having just undergone abdominal surgery I am currently in the midst of several weeks of donning an undergarment embarrassingly similar to the Captain's, and it ain't fun or funny!!!...so the Captain and I don't want anybody making snide remarks about our attire, much less trying to ban our use of them...OK, TMI!!!

Just don't let this guy anywhere near Times Square!

...since this edition is a few days late, it's already October, which means its OCTOBERFEST time...and my recommended brew is, fittingly, Octoberfestbier brewed by Spaten-Franziskaner-Brau...aromatic, savoury, gold-colored nectar of the Gods...great in the bottle, to die for in draft...better yet, try all of these great German brews in celebration of Fall....

- the Brewmeister -